I came home and convinced my Mom to take lessons with me. We found a barn that offered Western lessons. We both tend to be passionate people, and within a few weeks we were totally hooked. We rode whenever we could and spent hours and hours hanging around the barn learning whatever they would teach us. A few months later, my Mom and I purchased a beautiful quarter horse mare. The sweetest horse on earth!
The other big event going on in my life at that time was infertility. We were at the height of the treatments, appointments, and medical procedures. Horses filled an enormous need for me. Learning to ride filled my head with something other than anxiety about the future. It was new, exciting, and it took and lot of energy and focus. It allowed me to make new friends, all horse lovers themselves. I could finally go somewhere where I had a lot in common with others, and could readily join in the conversation. Almost everyone I knew had children, so it was often difficult for me to fully participate in conversations related to having a family.
Horse are also very emotional animals. They have moods and ways they let you know what they are thinking! They take a lot of nurturing and care. Since I didn't have children, I was able to pour myself into loving and taking care of them.
Since BB and BG have arrived, I have not had the time to spend with the horses that I used to. I don't regret this at all, but I miss them. When my children are older, and if they are interested, I look forward to sharing horses with them. On Wednesday I rode for the first time in over a year. The love of horses and the feelings I had for them came rushing back.
Although I don't have the same needs I had a few years ago, I realized that horses are still very, very important to me. Since becoming a mother (and this is true for DH as well), I have not had the time or energy to do much in the way of "me" activities. I expected that this would happen. We have a different life now, a very good one. Yet, I am learning I need some balance. I need to occupy my brain with thoughts that go beyond child development, meals, and laundry. That is not healthy, for me or my children. It is easy to get caught up in the more mundane details of life, and forgot about learning and growing as a person. Finding balance is very hard, but it will ultimately help me become a better Mommy. Learning to ride again, and connect with horses, will be a welcome challenge for me.
Stay "posted" (which would be a funny joke if I rode English!).
